she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
