Life is so much better after having sex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
