He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
