Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
