I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
