her vagine was all disorganized.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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