Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
