I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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