he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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