I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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