the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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