i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
