Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize