She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
