You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
someone owes me an orgasm
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
