Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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