Quick, to the slutcave!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
