Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
