i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Fuck appropriateness.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
