i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
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