Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
