No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I love you.
Bad choice
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
