Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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