Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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