I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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