8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
