the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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