i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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