im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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