not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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