During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
