It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
