You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
