i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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