Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize
