We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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