: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
