He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize