Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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