You're my little dorito
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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