even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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