I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
