I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
