Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
