i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
