What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
