Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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