I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
