alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
