After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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