i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
