her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
and you fell through a lawn chair
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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