i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
