I got chris browned last night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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