I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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