I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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