i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
