I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
