this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
