I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
