He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
