I will die if light touches me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
