I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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