I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
