i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My pussy is not your playground.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
