i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
