I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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