Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
