Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
