I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize