just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
