Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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