All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
