Michael Bay diarrhea
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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