yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
