Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
