grandma shit on top of the toilet
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
