i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
